I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
