I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
