have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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