She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you inspire me to be a worse person
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
