i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize