While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
