So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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