She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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