my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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