if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
