Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
