Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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