I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
