I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize