Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
