alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
