I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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