you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
