just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
