My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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