i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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