I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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