You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
