My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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