You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
