New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
