hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
