remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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