i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
