i used baking grease as lip gloss
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
