make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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