She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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