So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
