Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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