I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize