I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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