never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize