"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
