You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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