Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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