My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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