Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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