I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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