I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
