i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
