i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
