Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
