Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
