I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
In the future we'll all be gay
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
