i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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