just come out here and I will go home with you...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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