I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
