You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
