there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
