In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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