AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
