reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
