i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
