Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
