CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
