Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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