Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
