.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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