Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
