All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
