Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you will always have a special place in my vag
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
