I hate all girls vehemently.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
