I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
