one might say we're banned from that church
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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