I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
