broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
