turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize